In the event of a divorce, it is not entirely possible to prevent children from struggling for some time with their sense of loyalty. That is tough for them at that moment, but that is not bad in itself. Growing up is not easy. Parents cannot and do not have to spare their children everything. But there are things that parents should or should not do to help their children.
Manage the conflicts
Argue as little as possible. If you did have an argument, show your children that you are capable of resolving conflicts between you. Talk about it being resolved again. Long-term conflicts after the divorce are the main cause of conflicts of loyalty. The use of the best overland park divorce lawyer is essential there.
Do not act as a victim
Children often take sides with the ‘pathetic’ parent, the parent who acts as a victim of the situation. This can be a way to bond with a child and it always comes at the expense of the bond with the other parent. A “pathetic” parent is often bitter and has a tendency to constantly blame the other parent. Children often stand up for this parent.
But beware: children’s loyalties can change. When children are small, they may take your side because they feel sorry for you, but when they are grown up, they can turn against you. If they are little they may believe the stories of the parent they are most involved with and who has the most influence on them, if they grow up and get to hear the other side of the story, it could just be against that older can reverse. Seek help if you can’t get out of the flow of negative thoughts on your own.
A child wants to count, but not decide
Do not burden the child with choices and decisions that he cannot make. You should not ask a child where he would prefer to live if you have to give the child a choice. Would you like to go away with Dad for a weekend?, Respond neutrally to his choice. Don’t feel like a personal rejection. Do not let the child feel that it makes you feel abandoned. Allow the child to enjoy being with the other parent.
Do not blacken the other parent
Talk to the children, as well as to others in front of the children respectfully about the other parent. It’s painful for kids to hear bad things about the person they love so much. From infancy, children pick up and remember all kinds of things from adult conversations. Do not sit on the phone with your girlfriends extensively blackening the other parent. Do not talk about child support with the child or in front of the child. Your feeling that you are not getting enough money translates to the child as a rejection of himself as a person. Do not use your child to obtain information about your ex’s private life.
Pay attention to the subtle, negative non-verbal messages you send out, such as smiles, rolling your eyes, or sighing when the other parent comes up. Pay attention not only to your words, but also to your intonation, your demeanor and your body language. Children don’t fall for it if you say one thing and let the other feel.